


Music to Words (Or, At Least, More Words)

by viczilla



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-05-13 03:50:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5693488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viczilla/pseuds/viczilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically going to be like VideoPlay5178's Stories to Songs, except their's are a whole lot better, because they are actually a good writer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Talk Me Down - Troye Sivan

**Author's Note:**

> So this one is to Troye Sivan's "Talk Me Down"  
> Basically, this is what I thought of when I heard the song. It's kind of sad, but its kinda happy in the end? Idk  
> I hope you like it  
> (May be triggering to some for depression and anxiety.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically going to be like VideoPlay5178's Stories to Songs, except their's are a whole lot better, because they are actually a good writer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is to Troye Sivan's "Talk Me Down"  
> Basically, this is what I thought of when I heard the song. It's kind of sad, but its kinda happy in the end? Idk  
> I hope you like it  
> (May be triggering to some for depression and anxiety.)  
> Listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo3lxS-6joY

The dim glow of the TV was the only light source currently on in Ray’s apartment, and made everything have a faint blue tint to it. Ray was sitting mostly silently playing a game, only breaking the quiet occasionally to complain about something.

He raised his eyebrow when he heard his phone go off, and quickly paused his game. It was a rare occasion that someone other than his mom called him, usually they would just text him.

“Hello?” Ray said, but it came out more of a question.

“Ray? It’s Ryan.”

Ray glanced over to the clock on the wall next to him, which only added to his confusion because it was currently three AM. He decided to just go with it, though, after hearing his friend’s distraught voice.

“Is everything okay?” Ray asked, a million ideas going through his mind.

“I, uh…well…not really.” Ryan answered finally. “Can you come over?”

“Sure. Just send me your address and I’ll be there few minutes, okay?” Ray was already darting around his apartment to grab his keys, wallet and jacket.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“No problem buddy. Just hang in there, okay? I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Ray had no idea what was going on, but he knew that he would do anything in his power to fix whatever it was that was making Ryan sound so broken.

“Okay.”

Ray hung up as he walked outside, seeing the text from Ryan telling him where to go. He quickly called a cab to pick him up, and waited outside for it to show up.

After the cab arrived and he told them the address, he sat back in his seat, nervously biting his lip as he stared out the window. He knew whatever Ryan was dealing with must have been important, because he was the type of person who didn’t like to text people past 11 PM, let alone call them at 3 AM.

The cab ride was quick, and he paid the driver extra while apologizing for his late night trip. The driver just smiled and waved, before driving away, leaving Ray to stand outside of Ryan’s apartment complex nervously. He made his way to Ryan’s door quickly, but froze just as he was about to knock. A billion things crossed his mind, and suddenly he was on the verge of a panic attack. However, just before the panic could set in, something in his brain spoke up and reminded him of why he was there. He took a deep breath to calm himself, before knocking on the door.

He immediately heard the creak of someone walking towards the door, and suddenly he was standing in front of a very tired and stressed-out looking Ryan Haywood. Ryan tried to smile, but it came out more as a grimace, and then Ray noticed how red his eyes were, and how there were tears in said eyes, and suddenly he was moving forward, encompassing Ryan in a hug.

He felt something wet drip onto his neck, and he realized Ryan was crying. He froze for a moment, unsure of what to do, before pulling Ryan even closer to him. He kicked the door closed behind him as an afterthought, but the pair didn’t move for a few minutes.

Finally, Ryan pulled away and took a step back. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked a little bit, which made Ray’s heart break a little more. “This is dumb. I shouldn’t have called you so late-”

“Stop that. This isn’t dumb. If I wasn’t okay with being here, I wouldn’t be here, alright?” Ray said, reaching down and grabbing at Ryan’s hand to pull him towards the couch a few feet away. He had no clue where this bravery was coming from, but he was just going to roll with it. He could figure that out later. “Sit. Talk.” Ray said, pushing Ryan slightly towards the couch.

Ryan sat, and took a deep breath, watching as Ray took the seat across from him so he could put his full attention on the Gent.

“I, uh. I don’t really know where to start,” Ryan started again, biting at his lip nervously as he stared at the floor.

“Well, I guess, let’s start with this: what’s happening right now? Why did you call me over? Not that that I’m objecting to being here, so don’t even start with that, okay?” Ray pointed his finger disapprovingly at Ryan during the last part, which made him feel kind of like a librarian.

“I guess it’s just…” Ryan trailed off, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. “I’ve had… um… I’ve had depression for a while now? Like, ever since I was a kid. And, like, sometimes when it gets really bad, I’m just… it’s really hard to find a reason to keep going, you know? And it’s hard to come up with reasons to live when your entire life you’ve had to deal with this part of your mind whispering to you about how pointless this all is, and how everyone would be better off if you were dead, and you’ve never really gotten to experience the part of life where you realize that life is worth living because there’s always something there, telling you it’s not." Ryan paused, taking a shuddering breath.

He was staring at the ground, too scared to look up at what he thought would just be pity and annoyance in Ray's eyes. He forced himself to continue. "And I just, I know that you have to deal with anxiety, and that’s a very different thing than depression but at the same time it’s also very similar, and I thought you might be able to help more than anyone else.”

Ray sat back in his chair, shocked, as Ryan talked, saddened by the fact that he had never noticed his friend going through all of this. “Have you ever… have you ever told anyone else about this?” Ray spoke up, biting his lip.

Ryan shook his head slightly, still staring at the ground.

There was a beat of silence between the two before the sound of Ray getting up permeated the room. Ryan refused to look up, sure that when he did he would see Ray leaving, or something equally horrible. He was surprised when he felt the couch next to him shift, and felt Ray’s cool hand on his arm.

“Hey.” Ray said softly. “Look at me.”

When Ryan finally allowed himself to look up, he was surprised by the complete compassion and understanding in the lads eyes.

“I can’t believe you’ve been going through this alone. I can’t say that I have all the answers, but hopefully, I can, okay?”

Ryan nodded a little.

“Okay. Like I said, I’m not going to pretend like I have all the answers, because, clearly, I don’t. But I will say that there are a million different things to live for in everyday life. So while there may not be an overarching goal, per say, there are still the small things that you look forward to in everyday life. It helps to look at the little things to look forward to. Stuff like a new game coming out, or spending time with a friend, or even something as mundane as eating a chocolate bar. So what, maybe there isn’t really a special, magic goal that everyone’s working towards that will eventually come with a sign and a congratulatory note, say 'Hurrah! You have figured out the meaning of life! Nice job!' Because what matters is how you chose to live the life you were given." Ray paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts enough to put to words the emotions running through his mind. He picked his words carefully, not wanting to come across like he was belittling Ryan's (or anyone else's, for that matter) problems.

"So maybe life is pointless, if you are looking at it in terms of goals and the ultimate reason we're here. But, even even if it is pointless, you have to just accept that and keep moving on, keep living, because you know that someday you will look back and be able to say, 'Well, maybe there wasn’t a point, but I had fun, and that’s what matters.' Because even though you may feel like you haven't really _achieved_ anything, which would be totally false, but even if you did feel that way, you still have all those moments like, you got to be alive through new inventions, and stunning moments of hospitality and kindness from others, and maybe its just you got to finally see the new fucking Star Wars movie after so many years. And, I think that may just have to be enough, you know?” Ray finished off, hoping that Ryan would understand.

There was a heavy moment of silence as Ryan processed what Ray said and Ray panicked a little about what reaction Ryan would have.

Eventually, when Ryan looked back up from the floor, he had a faint smile on his face. “I think that may be the most understandable thing anyone has ever said. Thank you so much.”

Ray smiled back, and pulled Ryan into a hug, “I know that that won’t fix all of your problems, but I hope that it will get you through tonight, and you can always call me, okay? I’m here for you, if you need me. And I always will be.”

“Ray, please. You’re going to make me cry again.”

They shared a tense but need chuckle, and they relaxed.

“I, uh…. I am sorry it’s so late. Do you maybe, uh, want to spend the night?” Ryan asked, playing with his hand nervously.

“Sure. But only if I get to cuddle.” Ray said (He was still very confused as to where this brave, bossy side of him had come from, but he had kind of given up on trying to find out).

Ryan laughed. “I think that’s a fair deal.”


	2. I'm So Sorry by Imagine Dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two years since the last time Ray saw Ryan. They were in the subway tunnels after a heist.  
> "There doesn't have to be two of us, does there?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to the song her: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0gddT_DDzQ

Ryan knocked twice on the door, then stood back to lean against the wall. He heard the crew, who had been joking around, go silent.

The door swung open, revealing a man in a tuxedo. Tattoos were just peeking out where the tux didn’t cover, creeping up the man’s neck and down onto his hands. The man offered a crooked grin, opening the door a little wider so Ryan could walk in.

He pushed off the wall and walked the short distance into the apartment. He froze when he heard a very familiar voice begin to speak.

“Geoff, I thought you said the new guy wasn’t going to be here for another hour. I didn’t even have time to get all dressed up!” Ray’s sarcastic voice cut through the room, and he grinned as he turned around. The grin quickly fell off as recognition flashed through his eyes.

“Damn, Ray. He’s not that scary. Don’t shit yourself.” The man standing by the window spoke up in a loud voice, a grin on his freckled face. His sentence, however, was only met with the tell-tale sound of a blade been flung through the air.

Ryan ducked just in time to have to knife be embedded in the wall behind him, right where his head had been a second prior.

The atmosphere instantly changed, and the room was plunged into a tense silence. Ryan stood up slowly, then turned to pull the blade out of the wall. He inspected it carefully as he turned back towards the rest of the room.

“Nice throw.” He spoke casually.

“Yeah, well. I learned from the best.” Ray had stood up, and was slowly making his way towards the Gent. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Ryan held his hands up in a placating gesture. "I didn't know you were going to be here."

"Bullshit." Ray growled out, slowly making his way towards the gent. "You fucking helped me create my signature. There's no way in hell you weren't aware I was in the city!"

"I never said I didn't know you were in the city. I thought you were just doing freelance work. I never thought you would join a crew after..." Ryan trailed off, noticing the confused looks the rest of the crew were giving each other.

"After what? After you tried to kill me? After you destroyed the only thing I had ever believed would work out? After you were so willing to get rid of me just for more money?!" Ray was screaming now, and right next to Ryan. He stabbed his finger into the older man’s chest with ever sentence.

"Ray, I-"

"You what? You didn't mean to? You're sorry? That's bullshit, and we both know it. Get out of my fucking sight."

Ray spun on his heel, and stalked off towards what Ryan assumed was his room. The lad hesitated for a moment at the doorway.

"Keep the fucking knife. And, if you know what’s good for you, don't fucking come back here."

With that, Ray strode off towards his room, leaving Ryan alone with a very confused and mildly angry looking Fake AH crew.

 The man in the tux raised his eyebrow at Ryan, then pointed towards the door. "I don't have a fucking clue what just happened, but you need to leave."

Ryan sighed slightly before nodding. Before he left, though, he set the knife on the table besides him. "Tell Ray he's keeping the knife.”

With that, Ryan spun and walked the four steps back out the door, shutting it softly behind him.

*****

Ray heard someone knock on the door, Michael’s voice soon following it. Ray tried to block it out, but it was clear that Michael wasn’t going to go away any time soon. He sighed, before moving to grab his pistol, phone, and keys, then slid out the window onto the fire escape. He quickly climbed down, hopped onto his bike, and then sped off towards Mt. Chiliad.

Part of him wanted to believe that Ryan truly hadn’t known that Ray was in the FAKE AH crew, but at the same time, he wasn’t quite sure he would ever be able to trust anything Ryan said again.

*****

_The pair were walking through the abandoned subway system having just lost the last of the cops. They were both laughing, enjoying the thrill of the chase not quite fully gone, the high of getting away with one of their biggest heists yet having just settled in. Ray moved closer to Ryan, grabbing his hand to swing it as they walked. The gent smiled softly down at him, slowing down to a stop._

_“Ray, there’s something I need to tell you.” The gent refused to look Ray in the eyes. Instead staring at a point above his head._

_Ray stopped too, raising an eyebrow at the older man. “What’s up?”_

_“It’s just… I mean... I guess…” Ryan’s eyes were steely, and he seemed to decide something. “There doesn’t have to be two of us, does there?”_

_Ray’s instincts kicked in as he saw the flash of the dim lights reflecting against a gun. He dropped to the ground, rolling backwards when he hit. He stopped his roll and crouched, shooting quickly into the spot where Ryan’s shoulder and neck met. Ryan’s body slumped to the ground, the gun falling of his hand. Ray kicked the gun away from him._

_He took one last look at the only person that he had ever truly trusted, before running off into the tunnels._

*****

It hadn’t come as a surprise to see Ryan in the city. Ray knew he wasn’t dead; the shot he had made wasn’t deadly. He also knew that Ryan would eventually leave New York to come to Los Santos, as Ray had. The city had too much appeal for someone like Ryan, for someone like himself; it was a city ruled by crime, rather than by any form of government. The authorities were predictable, and easily bribed, and the jobs were abundant. The city itself was just large enough to be able to disappear in, but just small enough so one wouldn’t have to drive for hours in order to do so.

Ray wasn’t expecting Ryan to try and join his crew, however. Ryan had said that he preferred working alone, and that Ray was the only partner he had actually had.

Ray stopped himself. Even after all that had happened, he still had a hard time making himself believe that most of what Ryan told him were lies. He had a hard time believing that the he really knew nothing about the only person he had ever trusted.

When Ray came to a stop on Chiliad, he was surprised to see another car already there. He shrugged it off, thinking it was probably just some couple looking for a romantic place for a date.

He walked silently down the trail to a secluded section of rock when he heard the sound of shoes scuffing against rock. He rolled his eyes. Of course the couple had to choose his section of rock to have their romantic getaway. That was just how this day was going.

If he wasn’t feeling bad for himself, he probably would have gone in and yelled at them. Instead, he just sighed and turned around, looking for another place to sit that was far enough away from the cave that if the couple decided that they really need to get in touch with their nature sides and bang in the mountains, then he wouldn’t have to listen to it.

He eventually settled in leaning against a tree a little further down the hill. He was mid-swig from the water bottle he had grabbed from the compartment on his bike when he heard footsteps nearing him. His hands tensed, and the water bottle crumpled, creaking in protest. He was about to stand up to tell off the couple when he realized that there was only one set of footsteps, rather than two.

He froze. He knew that, if he was anyone else, the person walking up to him would be a random tourist who had managed to get lost. However, he was himself, and he had the worst luck.

“Go away.” Ray spit out, not turning around.

The footsteps paused for a moment before continuing towards him, and he sighed. He knew that he wasn’t angry, not anymore. He had been angry for the first two months, before the anger faded out, leaving only sadness in its wake. The rant he had gone on earlier had been the product of stress from the previous heist, but that, to, had left. The only thing Ray was feeling at that moment was tired.

“I’m so, so, so sorry.”

The voice made Ray flinch slightly. He could feel the other man standing right behind him, but he refused to turn around.

“How am I supposed to believe that, Rye?” He sad tiredly. “After all this, how am I supposed to believe anything you say?”

Ray brought his knees into his chest, resting his chin on them as Ryan finally came around to stand in front of him. The gent lacked his mask, and Ray was surprised by the expression on his face. Regret.

Ray shook his head to clear it. “I remember you telling me you were an actor. That’s probably the only thing that was actually true about what you told me, wasn’t it?”

*****

Ryan watched Ray with tired eyes. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy. How was he supposed to get Ray to forgive him when he couldn’t even forgive himself?

“I’ve never lied to you Ray. And I’m not lying when I say this now: I regret everything I did. I know that me saying that’s not going to make you believe me, but I promise you, I am.”

Ray laughed, but there was no happiness behind it. “That’s the problem, Rye. I do believe you. I’ve always believed you, even though every other part of my body is screaming at me to not trust you.”

Ryan heart nearly broke at the sadness in Ray’s voice. He crouched down in front of the younger man, grabbing the lads hand into his own. “I’m so sorry. And I know that I did you wrong. But is there any way you could give me another chance? Let me make it up to you.”

Ryan was staring down at the hand in his. It looked so perfect there, like it belonged there. Ryan mentally cursed himself, hating that himself and what he had done.

The pair sat silently for a while, Ryan staring down at the hand in his and preparing himself for the lad tore it away, while Ray sat staring out at the sunset in front of him.

“Why did you do it?” Ray spoke finally, turning his attention to the man in front of him.

Ryan stared down at the ground. He knew that this was coming, but that didn’t mean he was anywhere close to ready for it. He forced the words out anyways. “I was scared. I- Ray, I fell in love with you. But I knew that, there was no chance in hell you’d ever love me back. So I ignored it. But then it became different. It was harder and harder to ignore.” Ryan paused, taking a deep breath, before pushing the words out. “I knew that it wasn’t just some stupid crush, and that it wasn’t going to go away. And I knew that if anyone found that out, you’d have a giant target painted over you.”

“So you decided to kill me yourself before anyone else could?” Rays voice was emotionless.

“What? God, no. There was no way I could have ever done that. But, I thought that maybe you would kill me. That would erase all feelings from the picture, because there would be no me left to have feelings.” Ryan chuckled darkly. “But, you didn’t. So, all that came out of it was a new scar on my body, and me hurting the only person I’ve ever loved.”

Silence fell back over the pair. After a minute, Ryan made to stand up, but Ray’s hand kept him locked in place. He looked over, at the younger man, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Ray’s words were harsh, but there was no bite behind them. Ryan went back to staring at the ground. “I could have never killed you because-” Ray paused, swallowing nervously. “Because you weren’t the only one in love.”

Ryan’s brain froze, then began working overtime. He snapped his head up to look at Ray.

“I… You… What?” Ryan finally managed to spit out. Ray nodded silently, and Ryan groaned, bringing his hands up to his face. “I’m such an asshole.”

“You could say that again.”

“I… Is there any way we can forget this, and start over?” Ryan asked slowly, afraid of the rejection he knew was coming.

“No. There’s no way I can forget this.”

Ryan nodded slowly, and moved to stand again, but, as it had last time, Ray’s hand kept him locked in place.

“But.” Ray continued, and Ryan felt a flash of hope for the first time in two years. “I think we might be able to get passed this. Because, fuck, Ryan, I missed you so much. There’s no way I could ever let you walk away again.”

Ryan looked up slowly, and, upon noting the tears in Rays eyes, pulled the younger man into a hug. “I’m so sorry. I’m going to make this up to you somehow, I promise.”

Ray pulled back slightly, looking up at Ryan, before smiling. “I know you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments/Kudos always appreciated!  
> If you've got a song you'd like to request it, you can leave it here, in the comments, or drop by and shoot me an ask at my tumblr!  
> viczilla13.tumblr.com


	3. Raise Hell by Dorothy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan was sat in a bar, contemplating leaving, when a young man with a smug grin slid up next to him, offering him a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue why this is what I thought of. Tbh, this wasn't even what I was originally going to write, but this is where it ended up. Enjoy :)  
> Listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmYyPcEQKU4

Ryan sat quietly, swirling his drink and occasionally bringing it to his lips as if to take a drink, even though he hadn’t actually tasted any alcohol in at least six years (he hated the stuff, it tasted gross and made him feel fuzzy). He pretended to drink it anyways, though, because it would look suspicious to come to a bar and not actually drink anything.

He had already charmed his way into several people’s hearts (and their wallets, which sat heavily in his pocket,). An extra three watched adorned his wrist, and he had managed to swipe a few credit cards, taking their codes before returning the cards without the owners suspecting a thing.

It was almost closing time, and he was getting ready to leave when someone slid up next to him. Ryan glanced over, an eyebrow raised as he took in the newcomer.

“Can I help you?” Ryan put on a charming smile, ignoring the fact that every part of his body was yelling at him to go home and sleep.

The younger man grinned slightly. “No, but I think I can help you.”

Ryan’s eyebrow rose a little further. “Can you now?”

The younger man’s grin turned sultry, and Ryan would be lying if he said he didn’t have to fight to keep his senses alert. “Mhmm.” The man lent in close, whispering in Ryan’s ear. His tone never changed, and neither his nor Ryan’s smile faltered.

“You see, I have a… job offer for you.”

“Who says I’m looking for a job?” Ryan breathed out, trailing one of his hands lightly over the smaller man’s arm. The man shivered involuntarily.

“I have my sources. What do you say we head out of here and…” The younger man’s eyes slid over Ryan’s body, not even bothering to be discreet about checking him out. “Talk.”

Ryan thought it over, before mentally shrugging. _Fuck it, why not?_ “Your place, or mine?”

A flash of what may have been surprise passed quickly across the younger man’s face, but it was gone so fast Ryan couldn’t be sure.

“Yours.”

Ryan sat up, offering his hand to the man, who took it, before setting down his untouched drink and leading them out of the crowded bar.

When they made it out and were seated in his car, he was unsurprised to see the younger man pull a switchblade out of his pocket, twirling it around his fingers.

“So, who the fuck are you, and what do you want?” Ryan asked bluntly, his voice lacking any of the charm it had held a minute prior.

The younger man didn’t seem surprised by this development, and his voice lacked the sultry tones it had held before when he answered. “You really know how to fucking woo a guy, don’t you?”

Ryan stayed silent, pealing out of the parking lot onto the street, where he began to drive aimlessly around. No way was he taking this guy to his apartment.

“Oh, please stop. My heart can’t take it.” The smaller man quipped sarcastically, a smug smirk back on his lips. “The name’s Ray, and I wasn’t kidding about the job.”

“What kind of job?” Ryan asked, glancing over as Ray distractedly danced the blade across his fingers.

“Ever thought about joining a crew?” Ray asked, and Ryan rose an eyebrow. “We could use a man like you.”

“What makes you think that I want to join your gang of idiots? And, why the fuck would a pickpocket be useful to a crew?”

Ray smirked. “Don’t think I didn’t do my research, _Vagabond_.”

Ryan forced his body to stay the same, resuming his neutral expression. Ray didn’t seem to be bothered by his lack of response, just continued speaking. “Anyways, I’m not sure that the rest of the Fakes will be as tolerant of you calling them a bunch of idiots.”

Ryan again forced himself to not visibly react, but he did raise his eyebrow a little bit further. “I doubt that the Fake AH crew would really have much problem with what the most dangerous merc in the city said. Or, at least, they wouldn’t if they wanted to keep their heads.”

Ray barked out a laugh, and he shook his head slightly. “Yeah, you’re probably not wrong. In fact, I was the only one willing to come try to recruit you. The rest of them were all basically shitting themselves in fear.”

Ryan grinned slightly, proud of the reputation he had built up for himself. “So, the Fake AH crew are finally trying to get me into their weird bang group? I figured it was only a matter of time.”’

Ray laughed again, and Ryan’s smile grew at the sound. If he was an honest man, he would probably admit that the sound of Ray’s laugh was one of the better things he had heard, and that he kind of just wanted to hear it all the time. However, he was a criminal, and therefore not an honest man, so he would not be admitting anything of the sort.

“Oh my God.” Ray said after his laughter died down, wiping tears from his eyes. “I like you. This is why you need to join. Fuck that important heist shit or whatever the hell Geoff had in mind, I just want you to narrate my life.”

Ray started laughing again, and Ryan laughed along with him.

“So, what do you say?” Ray’s voice was slightly winded from laughing.

Ryan paused before shrugging. “Sure. I’ll join.”

Ray beamed at the older man, then glanced out the window when he noticed Ryan had stopped. “Is this… How did you know where this was?”

Ryan just grinned. “I have my sources.” Ryan’s voice dropped to the same sultry tone Ray had used earlier.

Ray just shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Come here tomorrow, at three PM, and you get to meet the rest of the assholes I work with.”

“See you then.”

Ray moved to open the door, before pausing, looking over at where Ryan sat, eyebrows raised.

The younger male seemed to decide something, before leaning over and capturing Ryans lips in a kiss. Ryan froze for a second, before realizing what was happening and started to kiss back.

Before it could go anywhere, Ray pulled back. He giggled slightly at the dazed look on Ryan’s face. The younger man slid out of the car, bending over to take one last look at the older man.

“See you then.” Ray grinned, then shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Comments/Kudos always appreciated!  
> If you've got a song you'd like to request it, you can leave it here, in the comments, or drop by and shoot me an ask at my tumblr!  
> viczilla13.tumblr.com


	4. The Way I Am by Eminem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan was a detective at the Los Santos police department. He's pretty fed up with his job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWmG0ZsUAag

Ryan breathed out a heavy sigh through his nose as he stared over the paperwork on his desk. The detective had gone over every single tape, had poured hours of energy into the case, but all he did was go around in circles.

The suspect in question went by the name Brownman, and all anyone knew about him was that he wore checkered shoes (none of the cameras in the places he robbed were off, but they were all pointed at the ground with no sound), and every single gun he owned was neon pink. You’d think that that fact would help to find _something_ to help out, but no. Ryan suspected that Brownman did it specifically to torment the police department.

Ryan had talked to a wide variety of king pins and gang leaders to try to get something about the mysterious gunman out, but they all said the same thing: they never met Brownman personally, only did business over the phone, and, most importantly, you don’t find Brownman, he finds you.

Ryan was about to give up on the case when his phone started to ring.

“Haywood.” He answered, already standing up and walking towards the door.

“There’s been another robbery. Maze Bank."

He sighed. “Brownman again?”

“We believe so sir. However, this time he’s still in the bank.”

“He’s what?!” Ryan yelled, getting strange looks as he began to sprint to his car. “Why did you not start out the call with that?!”

“I don’t know, sir.” Ryan rolled his eyes. The majority of the Los Santos police really were the dumbest people on the planet.

“I’m on my way.” He sighed, ending the call and flinging the phone across the car into the passenger seat as he drove.

When he got to the bank, he had to shove his way through the crowd of people surrounding the building, civilians and police alike. When he got to the front of the building, he walked over to the head police officer.

“So Brownman is still in the building?”

“Yes.” The man’s bored voice grated on Ryan’s every nerve. He gritted his teeth to keep from screaming at the guy.

“Then why haven’t we gone in yet?” Ryan said slowly, mentally counting to ten.

“He’s got hostages. He said the only person he’ll talk to is you.”

“He sa- what? Me? When did he say this?”

The officer shrugged, more interested in the dirt under his nail than Ryan. “I dunno. Maybe an hour ago?”

“An hour? Why was I not notified of this until now?” Ryan fought to keep his voice down.

The officer just shrugged before turning to talk to another police officer standing next to him. Ryan fumed. He bit his tongue to hold back his comments, just rolling his eyes and walking straight up to the doors. He moved to open the door, but a young officer looking equally as bored as the one in charge stopped him. “You can’t go in there.”

Ryan glared at the kid, pulling out his badge. “Detective Ryan Haywood. Yes I can.” He turned on his heel and walked into the building, thankful for the quiet of the bank after the loud chatter on the street.

He glanced around, surprised by the seemingly empty bank. Usually, if criminals were going to have hostages they liked to keep them front and center. He was startled by his thoughts by a loud voice.

“So. Ryan Haywood. You’re the one that’s been causing me so many troubles.” Ryan looked up to see a bored-looking man in a purple hoodie and checkered shoes holding a neon pink pistol standing on the balcony.

“Are there actually any hostages in here?” Ryan asked, glancing around again at the empty bank.

“Nope.” Brownman said, before jumping over the railing he was leaning against and landing softly on the ground in front of Ryan. “You’re not going to call in your troops, are you?” His questioned made it seem like he was worried, but the humorous glint in his eyes and the smug smirk on his face betrayed that.

Ryan stayed silent. They both knew he wouldn’t. The cops on the street were incompetent, and even if they could get their act together enough to get into the building, they wouldn’t be able to hit a target if it was standing completely still three feet from them. He raked his eyes over the gunman, shocked that someone so young was such a successful criminal.

“Wow, at least buy me dinner first, before you eye-fuck me.”

Ryan had to hold in a laugh. He bit his lip to keep from smiling, and hardened his glare. “If you don’t have any hostages, why call me in here?” Ryan asked.

“He speaks!” Brownman said, face splitting into a grin. “Well, Ryan. I have an offer for you.”

Ryan rose an eyebrow, intrigued. “What kind of offer?” He asked, unable to stuff down the curiosity he felt.

Brownman’s smirk grew, “A job offer. You’re pretty good at getting the information you need. I could use an informant to help me out.”

Ryan paused. That was nowhere close to what he thought he was going to say. “Why me?” He asked after a pause. “I mean, I’m in the damn police force, for god’s sake. What makes you think I won’t sell you out the first moment I can?”

“The same reason I know that you could’ve called for backup the minute I said I didn’t have hostages, and yet you didn’t. The police force is completely and totally incompetent, with the exception of you. You deserve to be somewhere where your skills are actually appreciated.”

Ryan thought over the offer. The man’s offer was enticing. He weighted the pros and cons quickly, before taking once last glance at the door behind him. “I’m in.”

If the man was surprised by the quick decision, he didn’t show it. Instead, he just smiled, and flicked a business card to Ryan, who caught it easily. “Alright. Go back out there and tell them I was already gone. They’ll believe you, and even if they decide to do a search, I’ll be gone long before they open the door. Wait a week, then quit. Call me when you do.”

Ryan smirked at the man, then turned around. He walked the few steps to the door. He paused with his hand on the door, glancing behind him to see Brownman staring at him (or, more specifically, his ass).

“Hey, at least buy me dinner first.”

The man’s eyes snapped up to Ryan’s face, without a hint of embarrassment showing on his face. “I’d be so down with that, actually. By the way, my names Ray.”

Ryan paused, smirking. “Well, Ray. Maybe next time I see you won’t have to be just about a job offer.” He winked, before turning back around to the door and stalking out.

*****

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!  
> Comments/Kudos are always appreciated!  
> Have a prompt (song or otherwise)?  
> Put it here, in the comments, or shoot me an ask at my tumblr (viczilla13)!


	5. Guillotine by Jon Bellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray knew the mission was suicide, but he didn't care. All he wanted was revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. I've had this since April, I just needed to put a few finishing touches on it. It only took me three months? Whoops.  
> Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDKWgJGqPhc

Jack scrambled to grab her phone as she yelled instructions at Gavin, who was silently crying as he flew the chopper away from the pick-up point they had just passed.

She struggled to see through her also teared up eyes, finding the only number on her phone she didn’t think she’d ever have to call. As her finger hovered over the dial button, she looked behind her, and something in her hardened. She switched over to the camera and took a small video of the burning building, knowing that just having a picture as a memorial wouldn’t be enough for anyone.

After a minute, she realized that she couldn’t hold the phone still, her hands shaking so badly that the footage was almost unwatchable. She clicked end, turning around and switching back over to the phone function. She pressed dial after quickly checking to make sure Gavin was still heading in the right direction.

“Hello?”

Jacks phone crackled with the noise, and her heart broke again at the hopeful tint to the voice.

“It’s Jack. Are you sitting down?” She asked, trying to keep the tears from clogging her voice, or at least enough to make her understandable.

“Um. I am now? Is everything alright?”

Jack reached over and rubbed Gavin’s arm when he let out a small sob. “I’m so sorry, Ray.”

*****

_Ray stared at the clock on the wall, willing it to go faster. He was sitting on a stool by the bar at a party, a glass of water in his hand and a scowl on his face. Three people had attempted to roofie him in the time he had been there, and the friends who had dragged him there had long since forgotten him. He sighed, and placed his hands on the counter to turn around when he felt a body slide up next to him._

_He barely held back a groan as he felt an arm slide around his waist. He was about to push the person away but he realized the arm surrounding him was very stiff and there was a voice shouting next to his head._

_“I told you I was dating someone. Here, meet my boyfriend.” Ray was spun around to see and agitated girl glaring at him, standing way too close to the guy whose arm was around him. The man was staring at him hopefully, his shoulders shrugged up as he tried to be as far away from possible from the ravenous eyes of the drunken woman._

_Fuck it, Ray thought, I’ll help the poor guy out._

_“Oh yeah, hey babe. I’m Ray.” He held his arm out to the woman who just scowled, turned on her heel and walked off into the crowd._

_The second she was gone, the guy retracted his arm, apologizing profusely. Ray turned towards the man and smiled, noting that the fumbling words seemed to be out of embarrassment and not drunkenness._

_“It’s alright, dude. I’ve had my fair share of uncomfortable experiences.” Ray let out a small chuckle, yelling to be heard over the music. He let his eyes travel over the man as he apologized again, taking in the blue eyes, the strong jaw, the muscled form. His eyes snapped back to the man’s face when he heard his name, smiling sheepishly as the man grinned at him. “I’m sorry, what’d you say?”_

_The man’s grin grew wider. “I was just asking if maybe you’d like to get out of here, go to a restaurant or something?”_

_“You had me at leaving, let’s go.” Ray said, reaching down and grabbing the man’s hand before starting towards the door._

_The pair ended up sitting in the corner of a McDonalds, talking about anything and everything. It didn’t occur to Ray that maybe he should ask for the other man’s name until about four hours into the gaming session that followed their trip to get food, sitting in the man’s house and leaning against him on his couch._

_“Oh.”_

_“Oh?” The man repeated, his hands pausing on the controller to look over at Ray._

_“I just, uh, I kinda just realized I don’t know your name?”_

_The man stared at him for a moment before breaking out into laughter. “Wow. And to think I was just about to ask you on a date.”_

_Ray chuckled, but then stopped, realizing what the man had just said. “Wait, what?”_

_The man laughed again. “I said, ‘And to think-’”_

_“I know what you said. But are you serious right now?”_

_“…Yes?” The man said, smiling hopefully._

_“Fuck yes.” Ray closed the (small) distance between him and the other man quickly, connecting their lips. The other man responded eagerly, his hands finding their way to Rays hips._

_When they finally pulled away from each other, the older man rested his head against Ray’s._

_“Ryan.”_

_Ray leaned back and stared at the other man in confusion. “That’s not my…what?”_

_“No. That’s my name.”_

_Ray paused for a moment before shrugging. “Alright. I’m glad that I got to kiss you before I even knew your name. How romantic. I guess you could say it’s just the R and R connection that brings us together, eh?” Ray grinned as Ryan shook his head, cutting off the older man’s sarcastic remark with another kiss._

*****

Ray felt a small jolt as the gun went off, but he kept his body stable, only moving to check where the shot hit. His face never changed as he looked at the target, at the perfect hole through the center of the target, and then beck at his feet, where several empty shells laid at his feet. He nodded once before quickly taking apart the gun, putting it in its case.

He had already been decent with a gun, had to be in his line of business, but in the two weeks since Jack had called him from the chopper, he had mastered every gun in Ryan’s weapons room purely to give himself something to do, other than wait. Gavin was busy researching the gang that had attacked them, and was struggling to find out much. Every time he thought he was getting somewhere, he would get shut back out of the system and would have to start back over again.

Ray snapped the gun case closed, picking it up before heading out towards his car. His phone rang as he slid into his car.

“Brownman.” Ray spoke, voice gruff from not talking much over the last two weeks.

“X-Ray!” Gavin’s voice squawked through the earbuds he was wearing. “I might have found a lead.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve got a name.”

Ray waited for Gavin to speak, eventually speaking up after the Brit didn’t say anything for a while.

“Gavin?”

“Huh?”

“The name?”

“Oh. Right. I got distracted, sorry.”

*****                               

_"Ray we need to talk"_

_"Uh. Okay? What about?"" Ray paused the game on his DS and looked up to see Ryan sitting across from him on the couch. "Is everything alright?"_

_"Yeah, mostly. I just, couldn't keep this from you any longer."_

_"Um?"_

_"Ray, I completely understand if you want to leave after I tell you this-"_

_"I swear to god Ryan if you don't fucking say it soon-"_

_"Alright, alright. Ray, I'm-the-Vagabond." Ryan blurts out, immediately looking  at the floor._

_"Yeah. Okay. What the fuck do you want to tell me then?"_

_Ryan stared dumbfounded at Ray, head tilted slightly to the side in confusion._

_"Oh. Wait. Did you not think I knew that?"_

_"You knew?!"_

_"Yeah I've known since-wait. Does that mean..... Ryan, do you have any idea who I am?"_

_"Uh, Ray Narvaez Jr.? My boyfriend?"_

_Ray can't help it, he starts to laugh a little bit. "Oh my god. You are the least- Ryan, I'm Brownman. You know, the guy you've been going to for info for the past three years?”_

_Ryan stared slack-jawed at Ray._

_The lad laughed slightly and pushed on his jaw, making him close his mouth._

_“How… how did you know?” Ryan asked eventually._

_Ray snorted slightly. “I knew your name before we ever met. I’m known as the best informant in the world for a reason, you know.”_

_“So, you knew at that party?” Ryan’s eyes were hardening._

_“Nope. I knew your name, but I had no clue what you looked like under the mask. The party was a complete coincidence.”_

*****

Ray stared hard at the map on the wall, not really seeing it, as the pistol Ryan had given him laid on the table and a knife flipped skillfully through his fingers.  Gavin’s lead had gotten him nowhere, so they were back at square one, again.

Ray jumped at the sound of the door opening. The gun was in his hand and pointing at the entrance way in an instant, not relaxing even when he saw who it was.

“What do you want?” He asked gruffly, noticing the lack of a Hawaiian shirt and elf hat on his old friend.

Jack sighed. “I’m not here to convince you of anything. Gavin was just as eager as you were to get revenge, and I wasn’t going to leave him to do it all on his own, I owe that much to Michael.”

Ray slowly lowered his gun. “So…?”

“So I’m going to help you. I’ve been searching for info. I’ve watched that video I took about ten thousand times, looked at all of the gangs that have ever been in the area and Geoff’s-” her voice broke on Geoff’s name, and she paused to collect herself. “And I’ve looked through Geoff’s old notes on the heist. I think I know who killed them.”

Ray was up in an instant moving towards her. “Who?” His voice was calm, but he felt the flame of revenge that had been flickering slowly and softly over the months roared into a bonfire.

Jack paused. “Ray, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 “I’m ready.” Ray’s eyes narrowed.

Jack nodded once. “Just don’t get it into your head that we’re not going to help you on this.”

*****

_Ray fiddled with his hands nervously, running through every single worry he had over and over again. He felt himself on the verge of panic and he pushed back the tears, head snapping up at the sound of the door opening._

_“X-Ray? Are you ready?” Gavin smiled at him, but frowned when he saw the fear in Rays eyes. “Hey. What’s wrong?”_

_“What if I’m not what he wants?”_

_Gavin hushed him. “Ray. I’ve worked with Ryan for a long time, ever since I joined the crew eight years ago. I’ve never in my life seen him so happy about anything than when he’s not with you. When we have to go away for heists and meetings, Ryan’s grumpy for **weeks** until he gets to see you again. You are all he talks about. You’re not just what he wants, you’re what he dreams of having.”_

_Ray’s eyes were wide. “Seriously?”_

_“I would never joke about this. Now, come on, X-Ray. You’re not even dressed yet! If you don’t hurry, you’re going to be late to your own wedding!”_

_*****_

The planning for the destruction of the crew took a week, in which Ray only slept when Jack forcibly made him and spent the rest of the time going over the plans and pacing.

The night before the attack Ray only slept once Jack slipped something into his drink, and even that was a pitiful, dreamless sleep. When he awoke, Ray was instantly alert, and started to get ready for the attack.

He was armed to the teeth: he had five different types of guns on him, several hidden sheaths for his knives, a large amount of grenades, and a com system (at Jacks request). When he walked out into the living room, he saw Jack and Gavin dressed similar, each with only minor differences.

Gavin was wearing one of Michael’s spare leather jackets, the crew emblem clearly visible on the chest. Jack had on a full tuxedo, the tattoo of the crew logo visible on her wrist. Ray wore Ryan’s black skull mask, and his own purple hoodie he had the logo sewn into the day before. Ray was never part of the crew, he never had much interest in that kind of crime. Jack and Gavin, as well as the rest of the crew, were basically family to him, and they were happy to let him wear the crew’s emblem.

They all looked each other over silently. It was no secret to any of them that this was probably going to be a suicide mission. If for some reason they managed to get out alive, they all had tickets to various countries, as well as each other’s addressed and phone numbers memorized.

They nodded at each other once, before silently filing out of the apartment down to their own vehicles.

The trip to the warehouse the gang was at was both the shortest and longest trip Ray had ever taken in his life. He parked a ways down the road from the building, his car hidden in some trees He waited a moment to hear Jack and Gavin give him the go ahead before walking straight up to the warehouse, gun at the ready. He paused right outside the door when he heard a familiar voice speaking.

His heart wrenched as he heard the low voice of the crews boss speak out. “The rest of your pathetic crew is already dead. Your wife was the most fun to kill.”

“Fuck you.” Geoff’s voice rang out clearly.

Ray paused, a million thoughts running through his head. Geoff thought they were dead. Geoff was _alive_. That meant Ryan could be alive too. At that thought alone Ray went into action mode, flinging open the door and taking out each of the guards in the room. Jack and Gavin ran into the room from the back, just in time to start shooting the crew that was flooding in at the noise.

Ray glanced over to Jack, who hadn’t even noticed Geoff, and then to Geoff, who was staring flabbergasted at them as he watched the chaos enfold.

Ray noticed the crews leader start to edge away from the fight, but Ray easily shot him in the knee, halting all motion. The man screamed out in pan before falling to the ground, unconscious. Ray glanced back over to where Jack and Gavin were fighting, making sure they were holding their own before running over to Geoff.

“Ryan?” Geoff asked confused, then glanced at a room to the side. Ray smiled brokenly under his mask as he reached to untie Geoff.

 “Jack? How did you..? They told us they had killed you all!” Geoff said, before falling unconscious.

Jack and Gavin were making their way back from the opposite parts of the building where they had been checking for anymore crew, and they started to run when they saw Ray kneeling over someone.

“Geoff!” Jack cried out, sprinting to her husband’s side as tears slid down her face. “Oh my God, Geoff. I thought you were dead! I watched you die! I watched you…” Ray backed up as Jack broke down into sobs, covering his bruised and bloody body with her own.

Gavin looked close to tears, but when Ray said his name, he snapped back into attention. “Make sure nothing touches them, okay? I’m going to go check the rest of the building to see if the others are still alive.” Gavin nodded, a hopeful glint to his eyes as he looked around the room.

Ray all but ran to the door Geoff had glanced at earlier. He had said “us”. Not “me” but us. That means there’s more than one of them, right?

The door was stuck, but a few well-place kicks quickly got it open. He nearly fainted when he walked in, seeing Michael lying on the floor, his arm bent at an odd angle. The lad kept his eyes closed when Ray walked in, but they flashed open as he stepped into the room.

“Come to finally kil- Ryan?” Michael asked, shocked.

“No. It’s Ray. Is Ryan here?” Ray asked as he rushed over, looking over the wounds all over his friends body.

“I haven’t seen him since he was last dragged out here, last week.” Michael said, then paused. Rays heart dropped to his stomach.

 “Is… is Gav here?” Michael asked, his voice small and broken.

“Of course he is. He isn’t about to let me rescue his boi all by myself, is he?” Ray asked, sizing Michael up. The other lad had lost a lot of weight in the time he had been here, and Ray had been working out. He slid his arms carefully under Michaels body and lifted, easily picking the other man up

“Oh, thank Christ. They told us you were all dead, you know. I should have known better than to believe it. You are too stubborn to die.” Michael leaned his head into Ray’s chest, too weak to even think about fighting him. Ray moved slowly, not wanting to jostle his friend and hurt him anymore. Once he got closer to where Gavin was standing, the brit having turned his back to keep an eye on the door, Ray called out.

“Look what the cat dragged in.” Gavin’s head snapped over to them and he gasped quietly before running over to where Ray was holding the brit’s boyfriend.

“Michael!” He yelled, and Michael’s eyes shut with a smile.

“I never…” Michael’s voice broke and tears slipped down his face. “I never thought I would ever get to hear you fuck up my name again.”

Ray squatted down, gently setting Michael down on the ground as the brit folded around him.

“I’m going to see if I can find anyone else.”

Gavin nodded, going back to talking quietly to Michael.

Ray walked a few feet away before Jack, who had calmed down enough to stand up and walk over spoke up, “What do you want to do with that one?” She asked, hooking her thumb over her shoulder at the crew’s boss who was just beginning to stir.

Rays mind rushed with things he wanted to do, but he waited for a clear thought to form. “Tie him up. We’ll give him the same treatment that he gave them.” Ray spoke to Jack quietly, even though Geoff was still unconscious and Michael was still on the floor a few feet away. Ray didn’t want to have his friend try to exert himself any more than he already had.

Jack nodded once, before turning and taking over as guard. Ray walked back down the hallway Michael had been in, carefully searching every room for Ryan, or anything that would point to where Ryan was.

With every bloody but empty room he passed, Ray felt his heart sink lower into his chest. When he came to the last door, Ray took a deep breath, before swinging it open slowly. When the door opened fully, he gasped softly.

There was a bloodied person hanging from the wall with barbed wire, their stomach bleeding heavily from a deep gash across it and their chin rested on their chest.

“Ryan.” Ray sighed. His heart beating painfully as he took in the shallow movement of the older man’s chest.

He rushed over to the table laying on the side of the room, grabbing a pair of wire cutters that were very clearly not being used on wires. He cut the wires carefully, holding his boyfriend to his chest for a minute before remember his injuries. He pulled off his sweat shirt, using it as a makeshift bandage as he called for Jack over the com system.

*****

Ryan woke up slowly to the feeling of something warm pressed against his back. He blinked in confusion a few times. He turned around slowly, eyes widening and he let out a small gasp at the person before him.

“Ray.” He whispered, the younger man beginning to stir.

When Ray finally blinked awake, he smiled softly at Ryan. “Welcome home, Ryan.”

Ryan surged forwards, connecting their lips and latching his arms around the lad’s waist. He could feel Ray’s heart beat through his chest, and he smiled as he pulled away.

“How?” Ryan asked softly, but he felt his eyes wanting to slip closed again. Ray chuckled at him softly, his fingers running through Ryan’s hair.

“Sleep now. I’ll tell you later.” Ray spoke softly. The feeling of soft lips pressing against his forehead was the last thing Ryan remembered before he fell asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Comments/kudos are always appreciated!  
> Have a prompt? Put it here, in the comments, or swing by and shoot me an ask at my tumblr (Viczilla13).


End file.
